Suddenly this is starting to feel less and less like something I can analyze from a distance, and for all the confidence I think I have, it’s still pretty scary.

Sort of like walking around on some snow before sitting down on a nice toboggan, pushing off what you think is the side of a little hill in the park and then suddenly realizing that you’re luging from the top of the Alps. What’s this? I’m hurtling down the side of a mountain towards a seemingly inevitable doom? Well, that’s just crazy. It’s May, why is there snow?

At least I’m not alone, though. Some interesting and highly informative 1L blogs out there, and it helps to see that everyone else is scared shitless at least 85% of the time too.

It’s not that I don’t think I can do it, or that I have a specific fear in mind (I like to think I’m relatively intelligent because I didn’t psych myself out and read 1L or watch The Paper Chase), it’s mostly the idea of doing something new again, and especially living on my own. I have all these questions for myself, and I think it’s a means of distracting my brain before it has to focus on big words and huge reading sections again.

For example, I’m all caught up with how I’m going to cook for myself, and how I’ll decorate my room in the apartment. These are things, my parents tell me, that I shouldn’t really have to worry about until later in life, when I’m serious about where I’m shacking up. I could have gone to University of Hometown and lived with them for another year, but with my brother back in the house, things would have gotten pretty crowded anyway. Besides, it makes more sense to share the experience with other people.

Hopefully just not the kind of people who go around screaming about how law school was the worst decision of their life and go to Bar Review to make themselves feel better about graded Oral Arguments.

I haven’t even gotten my class schedule yet, and things are starting to kick into gear. Do I cut my books? What kind of paper should I buy? Should I get a note-taking program for my laptop? Will my MacBook be sufficient for note-taking?

It’s enough to know that other people out there are going YES IT’S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY, but it doesn’t completely reassure me. My brain is just aching for something to dramatize about, I guess, so whether or not to buy a new set of knives is going to be what keeps me awake at night.